Monday, May 16, 2011
PROUD
When I heard Pastor Mike from FCBC preach a sermon about being a "Finisher," I ran out of church knowing what calling that God had placed upon my heart. On that day, I was called to audition for the Vagina Monologues. I had the option or waiting until Monday but after hearing that sermon,
HUNNEY! Today was the day! Without hesitation or delay, I was there on Sunday afternoon auditioning. The very next day at 9am, I received a call back. And within less than a week, the director called me telling me that I had landed the role. I was ecstatic! I knew a long time ago that I wanted to be an a successful actress and humanitarian and I would make a tremendous contribution to this world. I thank God and Pastor Mike everyday for renewing and restoring that zeal and faith in myself and my gifts.
Ever since the March 31, 2010, I have been searching all over for auditions, opportunities, any leads that will lead me back to the places I belong; on the stage, on the screen, on the radio. I know I need to be in the ears and eyes, hearts and minds of people. I can no longer hide from myself and others.
And trust me ever step of the way, I have had to push past some of those fears that still hide in the crevices of my mind. Sometimes, I would have my heart set on something and in less than a minute I would torment myself as to why it can't happen or won't happen. This was a scary place to be because it is usually the darkest places in my mind, where I replay all the negative things anyone has ever said or done to me. Then, after I take in all of that, here comes the clincher. This is the moment, when I think to myself that my initial heartfelt idea was the stupidest thing that I could even imagine. I start feeling embarrassed that I am thinking of myself in such a healthy and positive way. I can recite the line from the movie, Carrie, "They're all going to laugh at you." The instant I say those words, I feel a big lump in my chest burning and stinging. And what do I do about it? Nothing. I'm powerless, so I repeat it again, "They're all going to laugh at you." YUCK! Once, I have gone through that cycle I think about God and all the things he has done for me. All of the blessing and I start to find some courage and strength and more truth. I get real with myself and admit, "I am the root of this evil." So I tell myself, "No excuses, I am a FINISHER." I have to continue to walk in my divination and the path God has set out for me.
I am happy to say, in this time between my last blog I have accomplished so much. I took new head shots, learned new monologues, created a website, and I joined Actor's Equity Association. (Joining AEA was something I could have done a long time ago. I can't even tell you why I haven't until now). And those are just the things that pertain to my acting business. There is so much more. None of this would have been possible without God and the team of amazing people that God had placed in my life. They encourage, guide, and believe in not only my gifts but in their own calling and gifts. It feels so good to be surrounded by a group of people, a group of warriors, who are also bold enough to aspire for greatness.
And just like that Sunday in February, this weekend was just another example of how God called me to a new vision (his vision) and I fulfilled it.
In early April, I was searching Backstage on-line and I came across this 48 hour film contest. I really loved the challenge and thought this is something my team would be interested in. I made one phone call to my filmmaker director and beloved friend Linette Lucas and it was done. Linette and I worked hard to secure all the things that were necessary to make this competition a success and we were determined to win. The more we told people about it the more interested they became and they all wanted to be a part of it if they could. And trust My GLAM SQUAD was in full effect.
We had every thing in place, however in this competition you are not given a script beforehand. We have no idea what the 10 minute film will be about. All participants are given the subject matter on Friday at 7pm and the film must be completely edited and submitted by Sunday at 7pm. So here we were walking blindly, entering a 48 film contest, not knowing the subject, there was no script. All I could think of was the words that P.J. Gibson, world renowned African-American woman playwright, who was also my Black Theater professor in graduate school said to all of us, "BE READY SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET READY. " These words came alive in me and they certainly guided me through this process. We were ready! God was was with us! We were prepared! I was ready to do something I'd never done before and to claim VICTORY before we begun!
This process was challenging and rewarding all at the same time. The time limit really was the gift for all us. It really tested your creativity, willingness, and it certainly was an instant cure for diva or divo syndrome. HUNNEY! We had no time for meltdowns, power struggles, or pretentiousness. Linette, the director would say every so often, " Be Down or Lay Down." In some instances, that is exactly what happened. If you were a crew member or an actor and you weren't being used sometimes folks would just lay down. They'd lay down until they were called.
Linette, didn't have an ounce of sleep. Linette was up for the full 48hours. The editor, Joaquin and the co-writer, Michael were up for a full 24 hours. I think I stayed awake for at least 20 hours. And the only reason why I laid down was because I was told to. Like I said, "I was obedient." They needed me to sleep while they reviewed raw footage and wrote the dialogue. They wanted my voice to be well rested for the narration and voice-over.
I was the star of the film and you know being the star comes with huge responsibility and trust me I learned so much. I am so grateful for this entire experience. (Now, I know why many actors produce their own films or at least co-produce it makes a lot of sense.) We didn't stop shooting until about 2am. I drove the crew around from Jersey through Manhattan to Queens and then to Brooklyn, we were determined to find the perfect location, the perfect shot, and it was up to me to deliver the perfect performance.
Sunday, May 15 at 5:00pm the film was finished and ready to be submitted. The editor and the producer were leaving Brooklyn headed back to Queens to submit the film. Linette and I left Brooklyn and headed back to Manhattan. By the end we were terribly exhausted, all we could do between the 6 of us who were left was some high-fiving and hugging.
HUNNEY! Today was the day! Without hesitation or delay, I was there on Sunday afternoon auditioning. The very next day at 9am, I received a call back. And within less than a week, the director called me telling me that I had landed the role. I was ecstatic! I knew a long time ago that I wanted to be an a successful actress and humanitarian and I would make a tremendous contribution to this world. I thank God and Pastor Mike everyday for renewing and restoring that zeal and faith in myself and my gifts.
Ever since the March 31, 2010, I have been searching all over for auditions, opportunities, any leads that will lead me back to the places I belong; on the stage, on the screen, on the radio. I know I need to be in the ears and eyes, hearts and minds of people. I can no longer hide from myself and others.
And trust me ever step of the way, I have had to push past some of those fears that still hide in the crevices of my mind. Sometimes, I would have my heart set on something and in less than a minute I would torment myself as to why it can't happen or won't happen. This was a scary place to be because it is usually the darkest places in my mind, where I replay all the negative things anyone has ever said or done to me. Then, after I take in all of that, here comes the clincher. This is the moment, when I think to myself that my initial heartfelt idea was the stupidest thing that I could even imagine. I start feeling embarrassed that I am thinking of myself in such a healthy and positive way. I can recite the line from the movie, Carrie, "They're all going to laugh at you." The instant I say those words, I feel a big lump in my chest burning and stinging. And what do I do about it? Nothing. I'm powerless, so I repeat it again, "They're all going to laugh at you." YUCK! Once, I have gone through that cycle I think about God and all the things he has done for me. All of the blessing and I start to find some courage and strength and more truth. I get real with myself and admit, "I am the root of this evil." So I tell myself, "No excuses, I am a FINISHER." I have to continue to walk in my divination and the path God has set out for me.
I am happy to say, in this time between my last blog I have accomplished so much. I took new head shots, learned new monologues, created a website, and I joined Actor's Equity Association. (Joining AEA was something I could have done a long time ago. I can't even tell you why I haven't until now). And those are just the things that pertain to my acting business. There is so much more. None of this would have been possible without God and the team of amazing people that God had placed in my life. They encourage, guide, and believe in not only my gifts but in their own calling and gifts. It feels so good to be surrounded by a group of people, a group of warriors, who are also bold enough to aspire for greatness.
And just like that Sunday in February, this weekend was just another example of how God called me to a new vision (his vision) and I fulfilled it.
In early April, I was searching Backstage on-line and I came across this 48 hour film contest. I really loved the challenge and thought this is something my team would be interested in. I made one phone call to my filmmaker director and beloved friend Linette Lucas and it was done. Linette and I worked hard to secure all the things that were necessary to make this competition a success and we were determined to win. The more we told people about it the more interested they became and they all wanted to be a part of it if they could. And trust My GLAM SQUAD was in full effect.
We had every thing in place, however in this competition you are not given a script beforehand. We have no idea what the 10 minute film will be about. All participants are given the subject matter on Friday at 7pm and the film must be completely edited and submitted by Sunday at 7pm. So here we were walking blindly, entering a 48 film contest, not knowing the subject, there was no script. All I could think of was the words that P.J. Gibson, world renowned African-American woman playwright, who was also my Black Theater professor in graduate school said to all of us, "BE READY SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET READY. " These words came alive in me and they certainly guided me through this process. We were ready! God was was with us! We were prepared! I was ready to do something I'd never done before and to claim VICTORY before we begun!
This process was challenging and rewarding all at the same time. The time limit really was the gift for all us. It really tested your creativity, willingness, and it certainly was an instant cure for diva or divo syndrome. HUNNEY! We had no time for meltdowns, power struggles, or pretentiousness. Linette, the director would say every so often, " Be Down or Lay Down." In some instances, that is exactly what happened. If you were a crew member or an actor and you weren't being used sometimes folks would just lay down. They'd lay down until they were called.
Linette, didn't have an ounce of sleep. Linette was up for the full 48hours. The editor, Joaquin and the co-writer, Michael were up for a full 24 hours. I think I stayed awake for at least 20 hours. And the only reason why I laid down was because I was told to. Like I said, "I was obedient." They needed me to sleep while they reviewed raw footage and wrote the dialogue. They wanted my voice to be well rested for the narration and voice-over.
I was the star of the film and you know being the star comes with huge responsibility and trust me I learned so much. I am so grateful for this entire experience. (Now, I know why many actors produce their own films or at least co-produce it makes a lot of sense.) We didn't stop shooting until about 2am. I drove the crew around from Jersey through Manhattan to Queens and then to Brooklyn, we were determined to find the perfect location, the perfect shot, and it was up to me to deliver the perfect performance.
Sunday, May 15 at 5:00pm the film was finished and ready to be submitted. The editor and the producer were leaving Brooklyn headed back to Queens to submit the film. Linette and I left Brooklyn and headed back to Manhattan. By the end we were terribly exhausted, all we could do between the 6 of us who were left was some high-fiving and hugging.
We were happy to be FINISHERS
Standing in awe of what we created!
And although we didn't say much,
I knew we all felt the same way,
"PROUD."
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