Praying Through It

Here is another Saturday and the sun is shining.  I have so many things to be grateful for and I know I am blessed.  Inside I'm crying out, "pick me, choose me, I'm ready." There is so much anxiety I'm feeling right now.  I'm overwhelmed, restless, and disengaged with anything that doesn't point me in the direction of my acting goals.  I don't know what's next and I want more major opportunities for exposure and to shine.  I'm feeling so anxious and tired of fighting off feelings of discouragement.  The cycle of self-submitting myself for projects, joining websites, paying for opportunities to be considered, planning to take new head shots, going back to Bikram Yoga because I need to find a peaceful center, and it's always a good idea to lose some weight .....this is OVERWHELMING.  The more I want, the more I am able to identify places for growth and improvement. I know I can be better, do better, feel better, look better and I don't know what is blocking me from the better I want to be.  I feel like I am on the brink of a meltdown.  Honestly, these feelings are not new. These are the feelings that I don't enjoy revisiting.  These are the feelings that in the past have stolen my joy and have taken me years to overcome.  I know now that I didn't have the skills back then.  I wasn't equipped. My relationship with God was shattered I couldn't find God within me.  I have to get my positivity level up. I am feeling one-quarter of a tank away till I'm empty. Yes, I'm feeling a little low today. This dream I have is interesting because it requires a team of players.  This team will either be comprised of people that I have yet to meet or by a select group of people I have already met. These are my thoughts, but I know God has his own thoughts and his special ways.  Maybe, it's not a team at all that I need. Maybe,  I am my own team. I don't know. Thinking about my future is really making it hard for me to enjoy today and this moment. I got to get moving, get outside, and smell the April chill.  I got to stay up and stay prayed up. I know God is working so I got to smile and pray through it.