3 DAYS AWAY BRING ON THE BUTTERFLIES

Today, is BUTTERFLIES DAY!  

There is so much last minute fear living in me!  And I know I feel CRAZY!   I am so ecstatic about my friends and family supporting me.  The warm embrace feels so good and I am SMILING MORE OFTEN THAN EVER!   At this very moment I think I have at least thirty-people confirmed that are coming to my show.  I feel so blessed, proud and special. Then the very next moment, I am terrified! What is everyone expecting to see?  What if I disappoint them? What if they are smiling out of politeness?  OOh, that would be a disaster, a nightmare! Then I tell myself, STOP IT! STOP IT!  THIS PERFORMANCE IS NOT ABOUT YOU!

No matter what people say, "break a leg, knock em dead, rock that sh#*, do your thang, you go girl!" Uh uh, that all just sets me up for SHADE!  And I find myself going there, down there to the negative dwelling place.  And why do I want to go there? The more I fight it I start to tear and break.  That force is powerful. I try to shake it off but old pains and fear just keep seeping in and I feel guilty and ashamed because I know I should be stronger than this.  Where is my faith?  What makes it worse is that I am not saying these things out loud. These are the words, thoughts, and visualizations,  I share with myself replaying in my head.  Now, my cries get louder and suddenly all these doors fly open sending raging winds of insecurity in pushing me out of the window and on to the ledge.

And just when I think it's over and the force is too great.....here comes a  swarm of a zillion BUTTERFLIES........Their elegance and beauty surround me, I am hypnotized by their fluttering wings. They lead me and I follow peacefully and I am under arrest. Perhaps I was already under surveillance and I was already caught.  This was just the perfect moment--- the time to take me into captive custody where they hold me and lay me to REST.  I get quiet, meditate, and wipe my eyes to pray.

In my mind, I am thinking what would have happened if those butterflies hadn't appeared. Now, I understand that having BUTTERFLIES before any performance is a really good thing. I think without these butterflies this, "show business and this entertainment game" can rush straight to my head leaving me or dead. So GOD please BRING ON those Beautiful, Bodacious, BUTTERFLIES!  I know now when they come it is the Holy Spirit reminding me God's is guiding me and he walks beside me.  We are one!